Just Start!

A wasteful girl's guide to end the year better.

The best time to plant a tree is ten years ago. The second time to plant a tree is now.

Finally, I got around to doing this: writing a newsletter. I have been meaning to do so for the past two, four, five years.

Four years ago because the pandemic gave me ample time to waste and while away and I thought maybe I should explore this writing thing. I had just declared myself a writer the year before. Same year I got admission to study law. But I had been too busy with the admission processes and God-knows-what-other-excuse-I-had to find out what I meant by calling myself a writer. When the pandemic came, I thought the easiest way to figure out my writing is by writing. So I got a platform to play around with my creativity and hopefully, find expression. But when I finally chose a blog instead of a newsletter, I thought maintaining both will be too much on a new writer’s plate. One at a time. I felt righteously justified. Until I wasn't.

Two years because I actually went ahead to create a substack account and imagined a thousand things to do with it but I couldn't figure out how to import my blog subscribers to my substack. I didn't want to start from the beginning. The truth was that, I was just scared. What if no one likes my writing? What if I make a joke out of myself. What do I even write about? And my utmost worry: what if I am unable to keep a blog and a newsletter? I didn't think I was that creative. What if I got repetitive? I thought of the biblical man Jesus described in the parables that started a house he could not finish. Then people laughed at him. What if they laughed at me too?

Too many uncertainties. It was easier to drown myself in my studies. And I did. It didn't help that my school ran a crash program to recover from the pandemic and strikes. I found myself swallowing volumes of coursework in days. No way I was going to have to show my result with an explanation. I go just explain, explain taya, no evidence.

Also, as difficult as it can be dealing with some lecturers, I found that it is easier to attempt the mock scenerios I had as exam questions than to answer real-life ones. At least, the school exams are based on curricula that limited me to studying specific topics for the semester exams. It brought some kind of predictability to the game. I can't say same for this thing called life. It has almost no rules. I outran it. Until I didn't.

So you see, I've always wanted to talk to you here, on this newsletter. But I let my perfectionism get in the way. My “if I must do it, I must do it well” mantra. How much is well? How well does it get before you know it is well enough? I wasn't sure. So I abandoned the first writing draft I had. I also worried about consistency. Fancy starting what I cannot finish. What kind of person will that make me be? Now, looking back to those two, four, five years…I wish I had started immediately. With what I had. From where I was. Perhaps, I will be better. Or not. What will that make me be? A teenager figuring it out. Whatever ‘it’ is. A young adult bold enough to find herself. To search, at the very least. To try. I will be courageous.

It's not that the excuses are not valid. It's that they never end. So if you actually want to do it. Then do it. Find a way. And if you have to stop midway. Well at least, you started. You were courageous. If you ask me, I will say you did one hell of a good job. Nothing to be ashamed of.

This is why even with law school looming and without an assurance of my consistency, I decided to start—finally. This is why I have made this theme the subject matter of my first newsletter: Just start. Anyhow. Any place. Start with what you have. Where you are. Believe me, the rest will call into place.

I was going to wait till the new year to start this newsletter. It was supposed to be part of my new year resolutions. But I feared it will count as one of my many excuses. So I decided to practice what I preached and just started. I will tell you same. You don't have to wait till the end of the year to begin your resolutions. You don't have to wait for a partner to go see a movie. Don't wait for a good camera before you take good pictures. Don't wait to have money before you begin to have fun. Just start, the universe will align in your favour.

Like my friend will say, who sets the rule of engagement in the first place? You. So just start. Thank me later.

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